The Dark Journey: Understanding

During the course of my trance and deep dreams, I came upon a section of time particular to me only, in the 80s and early 90s when the spirits of El Carmen had been raised up against me.

                   1884: Un Recucido de sus hijos, hijas, y demas familia

  Brought to the gravesites of many, I wondered endlessly in my dreams through this place not knowing why I was there and not recognizing where it was until many years later.

  The first conjure came with dolls buried there which were crafted from my stolen clothing by people who lived across the road from this consecrated ground.

  The second time, photos, hair and other personal belongings, wax images formed in my name were buried in the huge family plot of a man who had formed a pact with the Devil. 

 Why am I seeing this after all of these years?—the answer given was so that I could understand what happened to me and who had been responsible for the shadows raised in my life.  I understood, then, how close Death had been and recalled feeling His frigid breath on the back of my neck, His skeletal fingers curled around my arm. 

  A common farmer turned healer by grant of lesser demons had become the servant of the cauldron.  A gray shade invoked against me to cause sickness or suicide, a car accident, a gunshot, or any means in order to destroy my life and kill the living spirit so I can’t tell.  He was used to summon me and they questioned me intently about my personal business which was none of theirs.

Don’t think for one minute I didn’t know.

The eleventh daughter will serve the cauldron next and no redemption or prayer will halt this fate from happening for the evil dealt in this life must be paid in the next.  Bound to the grave will be punishment for sins against me and the three souls encased in darkness.  The living shall not hurt the dead, and the dead shall not hurt the living, but when the living take it upon themselves to play God with another’s life and to hurt the spirits of the dead, heavy penalties await. 

Imprisoned in my own house back then in fear, suffering and sickness, I found myself one sunny day walking back into time with all of the charms and power collected in my future.  I’d overcome and even outlived some of those trying to get me. Dressed in all my fineries, silks, and standing outside of the new car I’d bought a few months ago, I recalled how I’d wanted to die in that house because everyone had made my life so painful and unbearable.  Fevers, horrors, suffering ensued within those walls from which the likes no one would ever understand or even know of, and I had lived to overcome it all.  I took that moment this fine day and gloated over the past and all who’d failed to ruin me.

I know how many have walked in my shoes, have walked this path of hopelessness and despair, and have lost the battle. 

It was a dark and terrible road in my journey through time, my time, and I wished for the dream to end.  Before I knew it I was safe in the library again, August 2014, writing the final chapter of a novel and collecting articles for other works I had planned. 

When I’d finished that day in August, I had to wonder why it all took so long to arrive at this point and experience the happy events I had.  Safe from it all and wrapped in the arms of the spirit at my side, I had complete understanding of what I’d endured and what it meant to be brave and face the wind. Understanding comes in hours of both darkness and sunlight, I’ve found.  The road must be traveled to come home to the very things we want to touch so badly and truly be able to appreciate them one we’ve arrived.